I’ve not written much for awhile.
It’s been a busy time. I’ve been away. I’ve worked a lot. Of seen people. Things have ended. Things have started. .
Firstly. I still speak to W. She stayed at mine for two night in a row. She still has a BF. He’s still as crazy as ever. He’s still not right for her. Sitting outside someone’s flat for hours is not normal behaviour. Alas. A person can only make decisions for themselves.
As things have changed between W and I so have I. It’s hard to know why. I don’t want to lose her. Though inevitably I will when she leaves the country. Which isn’t far off now.
But I haven’t told her everything. What I’ve done or who I have seen. I dunno if this was always going to happen or if the journey to this point was paved by the truths she told me.
We even got gifts for each other for Christmas. They were thoughtful and meaningful.
She has a Boyfriend.
I sometimes think she sees me as emotional support only. Which is ironic given that we had been exclusively about sex.
I’ve always seen a number of other woman. Though not at the same pace. There is a new letter to add to the list, G. G is someone I met through a friend. Delightfully random and local to me she loves vintage clothing including many vintage pieces of underwear.
Her bedroom like a scene from the moulin rogue. All black and red. Vintage bed. Candles. Mirrors. Dressers. Like stepping into the past.
Her body pale. Her hair red. Like a fantasy from a bygone era.
She is older. Older even that A. Her body curvy but with tiny hips. A throw back. She’s open sexually. Loud. Talkative.
She’s fun. Interesting. She leaves the country soon too. I’m sensing a trend. I imagine we will become friends. It will be nice. She wants a relationship. But she has needs. Pragmatic. I like her. But sweet.
A and I still talk. Exclusively via tex messages. I sent her a card and to her family too. She did the same.
Z and I speak here and there via text messages too.
There are others. Fashion girl. Another local girl I haven’t slept with yet.
But what to do about W?
We have a quasi relationship. That much is true. We had sex a few weeks ago, it was the first time in months.
It was special. Romantic. I photographed her in a darkened bathroom with candles. We bathed and had sex. It was a release. It was special.
But she loves someone more. A situation I didn’t think I’d be in with her, but have been many times before.
I don’t want to go out with her. I am unsure how we’d work. But I feel something.
She leaves soon.
I’m not lost at all anymore. I feel I know myself better. I’m making better decisions. Not regretting sex or feeling guilty.
What do I do next? I don’t know. But that’s okay.
I don’t need to know everything.